According to Dr. Gary Chapman, there are 5 primary emotional love languages. This concept boasts of improving millions of marriages and providing the secrets to a love that lasts. The general premise is that everybody has one primary emotional language and the successful marriage is the one in which each mate has identified the “one” language their mate possesses and speaks “it”. According to Chapman, these are the 5 primary languages. I have highlighted them and I have found scripture to support God’s word concerning them.
Words of Affirmation-“So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.” 1 Thessalonians 5:11
Acts of Service– “For you have been called to live in freedom, my brothers and sisters. But don’t use your freedom to satisfy your sinful nature. Instead, use your freedom to serve one another in love.” Galatians 5:13
Receiving Gifts-“Remember this–a farmer who plants only a few seeds will get a small crop. But the one who plants generously will get a generous crop. You must each decide in your heart how much to give. And don’t give reluctantly or in response to pressure. For God loves a person who gives cheerfully.” 2Corinthians 9:6-7
Quality Time-“1He who separates himself seeks his own desire, He quarrels against all sound wisdom. 2A fool does not delight in understanding, But only in revealing his own mind” Proverbs 18:1-2
Physical Touch-“Now regarding the questions you asked in your letter. Yes, it is good to abstain from sexual relations. 2 But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband. 3 The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. 4 The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”-1 Corinthians 7:1-5
As I continue to allow the Word do the Work in my life and I continue to see devastating divorce statistics and even worse, marital contracts vs covenants kept, I decided to explore this a little more and today’s post maybe a little controversial but I pray it will inspire you to purpose in your heart to be a POLYGLOT! A polyglot is a person who knows and is able to use several languages. Even while preparing the list of five and further acknowledging that the word of God commands them ALL, I thought to myself who wouldn’t want all of this? And better yet, how awesome it would be to have it in one package the way God intended!
I believe that encouraging individuals to work on only one area is a very lazy approach to making marriage work and is a contributing factor for the continuance of maintaining shining outward appearances for marital bliss while sustaining boredom and restlessness on the inside resulting in countless extra-marital affairs as individuals continue to seek in others the emotional needs they do not get from their spouse. Beyoncé’s song Cater 2 U, in my opinion, depicts what every man and woman’s desire should be in ensuring every need in a marriage is met:
Baby I see you working hard
I want to let you know I’m proud
Let you know that I admire what you do (AFFIRMATION)
The more if I need to reassure you, my life would
Be purposeless without you (yeah) (AFFIRMATION)
If I want it (got it)
When I ask you (you provide it)
You inspire me to be better (AFFIRMATION)
You challenge me for the better
Sit back and let me pour out my love letter
(ACTS of SERVICE)
Let me help you
Take off your shoes
Untie your shoestrings
Take off your cufflinks (yeah)
What you want to eat boo (yeah)
Let me feed you
Let me run your bathwater
Whatever your desire, I’ll supply ya
Sing you a song
Turn my game on
I’ll brush your hair
Help you put your do rag on
Want a foot rub (yeah)
You want a manicure
Baby I’m yours I want to cater to you boy
Baby I’m happy you’re home (QUALITY TIME)
Let me hold you in my arms (PHYSICAL TOUCH)
I just want to take the stress away from you
Making sure that I’m doing my part (oh)
Boy is there something you need me to do (oh)
If you want it (I got it)
Say the word I (I will try it) (PHYSICAL TOUCH)
I know whatever I’m not fulfilling (oh)
No other woman is willing (oh)
I’m going to fulfill you mind, body and spirit
I promise you (promise you)
I’ll keep myself up (oh)
Remain the same chick, you fell in love with(yeah)
I’ll keep it tight, I’ll keep my figure right
I’ll keep my hair fixed, keep rocking the hottest outfits
When you come home late tap me on my shoulder (PHYSICAL TOUCH)
I’ll roll over
Baby I heard you, I’m here to serve you
(I’m lovin’ it, I’m lovin’ it)
If it’s love you need, to give it is my joy
All I want to do is cater to you boy
I want to give you my life, my strength
My will to be here
That’s the least I can do
Let me cater to you
Through the good (good)
The bad (through the bad)
The ups and downs (ups and downs)
I’ll still be here for you (AFFIRMATION)
Let me cater to you
Cause you’re beautiful(you’re beautiful)
I love the way you are (you are)
Fulfill your every desire (desire)
Your wish is my command (command)
I want to cater to my man
Your heart (your heart)
So pure your love shines through (shines through)
The darkness we’ll get through (so much)
So much of me is you (is you)
I want to cater to my man
Let me cater to you
Cause baby this is your day
Do anything for my man
Baby you blow me away
I got your slippers, your dinner, your dessert and so much more
Anything you want just let me cater to you
Inspire me from the heart
Can’t nothing tear us apart
You’re all I want in a man;
I put my life in your hands
I got your slippers, your dinner
Your dessert and so much more
Anything you want, I want to cater to you
I could not directly highlight the “receipt of gifts” in this song but I am confident that would be the least of concerns in a marriage flowing this way. I believe each mate could ensure countless gifts to brag about to the outside world and even greater gifts to maintain an undefiled marriage bed. Just like our relationship with God, let’s get purposeful about our marital relationships. Quit being lazy, expecting more than we’re willing to give and looking elsewhere instead of demanding it where we are. So many lives have been hurt by our unwillingness to do the work. Don’t be a “one and done”, be the Polyglot-the Lord needs it!
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