Have you ever stopped to think about it-what’s really in you? In the physical sense I thought about it a lot as I endured a series of tests recently trying  to determine if there was something there that shouldn’t be.

I remember growing up and singing the song – “Search, search me Lord. If you find anything that shouldn’t be, take it out and strengthen me. I wanna be right, I wanna be saved, I wanna be whole.”

This morning I woke with this thought- “what is in me?” I thought about my car and how it absolutely cannot run without gas.  I thought about my body and how it reacts to different foods I take in. Some give me gas and bloating, some seem to make me sluggish while other foods give me lots of energy.

What about spiritually? When fear, anxiety, doubt, anger, temptation, sin and so many other things arise in our lives, what’s in us to keep us, comfort us, convict us, and even restore us?

We could never get healthy or obtain our desired fitness goals by ONLY watching someone else work out.  If you think about it, the same is true with the word of God.  There are levels of “fitness”.  If you only hear a good message once a week, there is limited intake to sustain you throughout the week.  If you go at least one step further by taking notes, research suggests there is a greater tendency for retention of at least some of what the messenger has shared. But if you commit to even as little as 10 minutes a day of either going over those notes, reading a daily devotional or some other form of bible study, you will see a huge difference in your ability to recall the word of God and apply it more victoriously to your daily living.  When fear comes upon you, you can immediately declare, “God has not given you the spirit of fear…..”.  When anxiety comes upon you, Phil 4:6, “Be anxious for nothing….” can be your response.  When a friend offends you by speaking truth in love, you can get through it by remembering Proverbs 27:6, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend: but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.”

I could go on and on because I love the power that comes from knowing the word of God and being able to quickly rely on it when situations arise.  And they will.  Not always because of someone else but sometimes just because of our own sinful natures.  When life heats up and you find yourself about to boil over, let what’s in you which is bound to come out, be the faithful, sure, powerful, filling and perfect word of God.

I woke up remembering what a Black Friday it was more than 2000 years ago. Just to ensure we could receive the greatest gift of all. I wonder who’s willing to endure crowds at a large growing church to get what He has for you. I wondered who’d be willing to fight for the priceless things He offers. It’s amazing to me the excuses we offer for not going to church, not giving in church and not serving in church. Yet as I see countless footage of crowds at shopping malls and bargain brawls, I can’t help but notice our willingness to reason with retailers and other crazed shoppers, to potentially get scuffed up, pushed around, knocked down to obtain something much less beneficial than what the word of God offers. Today I’m truly SMH as I see so clearly how much we keep being deceived and how much mind renewal is needed. Every great leader who was assassinated was not killed because of their ability to hold large marches and protests. When they begin to show people where their real power was or when they held positions of influence and supported what was Right and True, they were taken out. In Luke. 8:35 it wasn’t until the man was seen sitting at the feet of Jesus, clothed and in his right mind that anyone was afraid. I pray that we will wake up and see the deceptive tactics around us. #matthew6:24istrue. #youwillservesomeoneorsomething

Over the last week, I have been undergoing a series of tests in an attempt to determine if the area on my liver is a recurrence of breast cancer. (FYI-any recurrence of cancer is considered to be the same name as original cancer which has traveled to other parts of the body)

Tests show that this area does not look like a cyst or a hemangioma (other benign condition). However due to the small size and location of this area it is extremely difficult to get to-even to examine to clearly define what it is.

This morning God reminded me of what he showed me the very first time I spoke about my cancer in 2011. God says “Cancer is the outward symbolism of sin in the church”.  Wow!! I’m praying even now that we will see our conditions and make the necessary adjustments.

Some facts about my current situation:

1. Had I still been working for my most recent employer I would not have been able to have the first test to detect this mysterious spot.

2. The area is small, which is both positive and negative. Positive-it is definitely early detection which gives hope for cure or corrective treatment once it is determined what it is. Negative-because it presents itself so small and its location not in plain view, testing and diagnosis are extremely difficult.

The secret sins in our life are much like this. Matthew 5:21-30 shows that there are degrees of sin but yet they carry the same guilt as sin that manifests itself in the form of outward and ungodly behavior.

I have had a CT scan and it showed that an MRI would better detect.  It did not.  It shows what’s there and it shows what it’s not but it still did not confirm what it is.  So now an ultrasound is to be performed just to determine if a biopsy is possible due to size and location.  I’m saying to my condition-“You’ve been found out. You can try and hide.  You can try and plant yourself in places that are less likely to detect-but you have already been found out and my doctor and I vow to not stop until we have identified you and gotten rid of you. Much like this potential cancer attempting to hide itself in my body, our secret sins will not remain secret. 1 Corinthians 4:5 says “The Lord will bring to light the things hidden in the darkness.”  Jesus also said there is nothing covered up that will not be revealed and hidden that will not be known.  Accordingly, whatever has been said in the dark shall be heard in the light and whatever has been whispered in the inner rooms shall be proclaimed upon the housetops. (Luke 12: 2-3).  Those who think they can evade shame by sinning in secret will discover one day that open disclosure of their secrets before the very throne of God is the worst shame of all.

Be clear that sin in the mind is a fruit of the same moral defect that produces deeds of sin. Secret sins intensify their guilt and add hypocrisy. Like a cancer spreading, this hypocrisy tends to cover our souls and cause us to suffer with an inability to genuinely repent of our sins. Hypocrisy also works against our conscience in a way that renders us powerless to let go of the secret sins.  This makes way for the most morally bad and character-damaging sins.

Reality is, our secret lives are the real litmus test of our character.   If you want to know who you really are, take a look at your private life.  Use the mirror of God’s word to disclose and correct you.  Like I’m telling this “thing” in me, tell these “things” in you-According to the word of God, “You Can’t Hide.” you’ve been found out and you will be destroyed!

I woke this morning still with a lump in my throat, fighting back the emotion as I continue to replay the excitement my daughter experienced as she jumped out of the car at each stop and rushed in to see what each participant of the festivities had to offer her.

At the first stop, I went to the door with her. After that, she assured me that she could go alone. After a few stops we got our routine together.  We would drive up assess the house try to determine if they were “treating” and then my daughter would move in for the stash.

Just like life, a couple of places were deceiving. They looked festive but when approached they offered nothing.  My daughter was so determined to have a good time. She didn’t let disappointments end her night fun. She whisked back to the car-NEXT!!

I’ll never forget the one house she was so determined to wait on them. You see, they had locked their screen door but left the storm door open and in her view she could see her favorite bubble gum piled in a bowl as if waiting for her arrival. After a few presses of the doorbell, she turned back toward the car but then paused and said “mama I really want to try again”.  I encouraged her to do so and then I could see someone barreling down the steps to resume their treat giving position. My daughter did the victory dance all the way back to the car .

I don’t think I’ll forget that night. For in that moment of time, it was one of the first times I could see the parallel to my childhood and  preciousness of innocence NOT lost .  No tricks-just pure TREAT.

I keep reflecting on a sermon I heard recently that highlighted just how much we allow the flesh to destroy us.  The sermon highlighted the fact that Zimri was so determined to bring this Midianite woman into his tent, he totally disrespected the fact that Moses and the congregation of the Israelites were there humbling themselves before God, praying that He would spare their lives after being disgusted with their sexual immorality and worship of idol Gods.  He literally passes through this solemn congregation and continues to the tent so focused on satisfying his flesh, he had no regard for those praying EVEN on his behalf.  In Numbers the 25th chapter we learn that he and the woman are killed by Phinehas for their disrespectful acts. It is very apparent that Zimri and the woman were in compromising positions based on the description of how the sphere pierced each of them.  While I know murder would not be acceptable today, this act by Phinehas was considered honorable and scripture says the plague against the Israelites was stopped but not before 24,000 lives were lost.

Look at what’s going on around us.  Plagues and diseases. Ebola and Enteriovirus – no cure or vaccine for either of them. Everyday we read of one more diagnosis-one more death.  The same is true with cancer-everyday a new diagnosis and while much research has been done to advance us toward a cure, there is no cure in immediate view.  When I remember the scripture in 2Chronicles 7:14, I can’t help but focus on US.  We know the formula for the land being healed so why is healing not taking place?  I get that even with a willing spirit, the flesh is weak.  I just wonder who really cares enough to deny himself or herself?  Who even feels a sense of conviction when he or she gives in to the flesh? I shutter to know the real answers to these questions.

I have felt somewhat burdened over the last few weeks as I have pondered this.  I keep asking myself, what are we doing?  I keep wondering if Jesus were to return today, what position would He find us in.  I even wonder at times who really cares. At the end of the day, I’m finally convinced that it’s not just a flesh issue, it is a faith issue and if we are honest with ourselves we cannot separate one from the other. With all of the love I can muster up for myself, my loved ones, my friends, even my enemies I am praying that conviction will always fall upon us and that we will be determined to make our first priority living a life pleasing to God. Ask yourself-what’s my position on this issue, what “position” might He find me in today and if it’s not aligned with His word and His will, how quickly can I reposition myself.

I keep reflecting on a sermon I heard recently that highlighted just how much we allow the flesh to destroy us.  The sermon highlighted the fact that Zimri was so determined to bring this Midianite woman into his tent, he totally disrespected the fact that Moses and the congregation of the Israelites were there humbling themselves before God, praying that He would spare their lives after being disgusted with their sexual immorality and worship of idol Gods.  He literally passes through this solemn congregation and continues to the tent so focused on satisfying his flesh, he had no regard for those praying EVEN on his behalf.  In Numbers the 25th chapter we learn that he and the woman are killed by Phinehas for their disrespectful acts. It is very apparent that Zimri and the woman were in compromising positions based on the description of how the sphere pierced each of them.  While I know murder would not be acceptable today, this act by Phinehas was considered honorable and scripture says the plague against the Israelites was stopped but not before 24,000 lives were lost.

Look at what’s going on around us.  Plagues and diseases. Ebola and Enteriovirus – no cure or vaccine for either of them. Everyday we read of one more diagnosis-one more death.  The same is true with cancer-everyday a new diagnosis and while much research has been done to advance us toward a cure, there is no cure in immediate view.  When I remember the scripture in 2Chronicles 7:14, I can’t help but focus on US.  We know the formula for the land being healed so why is healing not taking place?  I get that even with a willing spirit, the flesh is weak.  I just wonder who really cares enough to deny himself or herself?  Who even feels a sense of conviction when he or she gives in to the flesh? I shutter to know the real answers to these questions.

I have felt somewhat burdened over the last few weeks as I have pondered this.  I keep asking myself, what are we doing?  I keep wondering if Jesus were to return today, what position would He find us in.  I even wonder at times who really cares. At the end of the day, I’m finally convinced that it’s not just a flesh issue, it is a faith issue and if we are honest with ourselves we cannot separate one from the other. With all of the love I can muster up for myself, my loved ones, my friends, even my enemies I am praying that conviction will always fall upon us and that we will be determined to make our first priority living a life pleasing to God. Ask yourself-what’s my position on this issue, what “position” might He find me in today and if it’s not aligned with His word and His will, how quickly can I reposition myself.

This morning as I was walking in preparation for my 3-day 60 mile walk in Dallas in November, I reached my first 3/4 mile and I began to smell the  tantalizing aroma of a grill already fired up in celebration of what I assume was a part of the Southern Heritage Classic festivities.  The smell was breathtaking.  It made me salivate-really!  I began to look around to see if I could see who the perpetrators were-committing the crime of making me long for a sweet juicy rib instead of continuing my walk.  Initially, I couldn’t see where it was coming from. I continued to walk and as I rounded the corner and got a little closer to my first mile, there it was- a big black barrel grill fired up and smoking good!!

What was sooo interesting was that the closer I got to the grill, the less potent the actual smell of the barbecue was.  Perhaps part of the reason was the direction of the wind. As I thought about it though, I believe that the primary reason is the fact that the things that produced the smoke aren’t as sweet smelling as the smoke itself.  It’s just the nature of what they are in their individual states.   The wood typically has a scent but standing alone it’s not enough to draw you in like the smoke does. The charcoal is sooty and leaves an undesirable mark when touched. The starter fluid typically is not a pleasant smell but it’s needed to aid the match in producing a good fire, which in turn produces the smoke.  And then there’s the match, which when struck ignites quickly, is blown out and then has it’s own little smoke that is pleasant but not long lasting.  I believe this grill had some type of hickory chips as well-the aroma was so powerful. I’m not real familiar with them but I believe you can enjoy some scent by just holding them in your hands and sniffing but surely not as powerful and enticing as when they are placed in the grill, soaked with the fluid and ignited by the fire.

Wow…..I saw so much in this experience, I almost had to stop on the side of the road to gain my composure.  1st-How enticing was it to stop at just the smell of the smoke. Even before I turned the corner it just hit my nose and it was breathtaking.  But had I stopped what would I have gained other than a smell that unfortunately would not last forever and furthermore could not provide me with any real nourishment?  2nd-I could have been disappointed and discouraged to come in closer to the fire and not get the same “feel good” sensation that my initial sense received when first introduced to the smoke back around the corner earlier in my journey.  3rd- How powerful is it to realize that operating alone we may be tempted to only see our shortcomings, and fail to understand we have a purpose and assignment and are extremely powerful when we work in concert with others.  We may be like the hickory chip, with sharp edges, stained sides, and lots of signs of where we’ve come from.  We may be like the match-short, short fused, plain, no real color to us except the “red covering” that renders us useful to others who need us to warm them, give them light, and even help them get to a better state to be used by others. We may be like the lighter fluid-can only be contained by being locked up, bearing an unpleasant odor, and only beneficial to the touch of our intended purpose-otherwise seen as an accident, a spill, a mistake. We may be like the wood-rugged on the surface, pricking others that get near us-hard to penetrate or the charcoal that just leaves its nasty mark wherever it lands. When these things with all of their flaws and defects come together, I’m telling you-the result is powerful!  It’s enticing! It’s drawing!

Today’s encouragement is for those who would choose to receive a “limited” benefit by staying at a distance and just enjoying “the smoke”.  The 4th thing I realized is that the only long lasting benefit I could have from this experience would be to come all the way into the grill-real close to the fire and taste what the fire produced!!!!  Psalm 34:8 says, “O taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.”  Stop “blowing smoke” and don’t stop at simply “smelling the smoke”, which is just the evidence that something good, something beneficial is ahead for you. It may not be as pretty up close, it may not give you the temporary pleasures that you receive at a distance.  Reality is you may even get burned.  But Trust God by coming in a little closer and getting what you need to nourish you and sustain you forever!

Often times while walking, I notice debris such as cups and bottles throughout my neighborhood that I assume have been thrown out by passers-by. The other morning, in my 2nd mile, I zoomed in on a large size pizza box. Almost always, I simply overlook the debris but that morning I had such a strong urge to pick up the box as it was such a trashy eyesore where it was laying.

Several thoughts went fleeting through my head as I made a conscious decision to leave the large pizza box there. While it burdened me to see the neighborhood in that condition, with several miles to go, I would add unnecessary stress to my workout by attempting to “fix” the problem. I would be unable to continue my stride with the large box in my hand. It wasn’t trash day so I would have to stop my walk and leave my route in order to go to a home nearby to deposit the box in a trash can which was most likely positioned in the back yard (I was 2 miles away from my home). I could be attacked by dogs. I could be viewed as an intruder. I know the decision to leave it there was the right one for me.

Isn’t life like that? Each of us has been given a race, a walk, a path to follow. Maintaining the gift of discernment is crucial to ensuring we don’t carry things that weren’t assigned to us by God. Hebrews 12:1-2 states “Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight…………and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.” Understand that the weights we are admonished to, “lay aside,” are UNNECESSARY weights. They are burdens – not given by God to build our faith – but unnecessary burdens taken up by us that will hinder our walk in faith.

I ask you to consider what you are carrying today. Even with the best of intentions you may be taking on things that deter you from the specific assignment God has orchestrated for you. If you are fortunate, to not get completely side tracked, you will at a minimum be delayed at reaching your intended destination and this may have rippling side effects.

We all have our crosses to bear. Stay connected to God through prayer and the reading of His word to ensure you only carry what is assigned to and necessary for you! Commit today to put down the unnecessary weight that’s weighing you down.

Often times while walking, I notice debris such as cups and bottles throughout my neighborhood that I assume have been thrown out by passers-by. The other morning, in my 2nd mile, I zoomed in on a large size pizza box. Almost always, I simply overlook the debris but that morning I had such a strong urge to pick up the box as it was such a trashy eyesore where it was laying.

Several thoughts went fleeting through my head as I made a conscious decision to leave the large pizza box there. While it burdened me to see the neighborhood in that condition, with several miles to go, I would add unnecessary stress to my workout by attempting to “fix” the problem. I would be unable to continue my stride with the large box in my hand. It wasn’t trash day so I would have to stop my walk and leave my route in order to go to a home nearby to deposit the box in a trash can which was most likely positioned in the back yard (I was 2 miles away from my home). I could be attacked by dogs. I could be viewed as an intruder. I know the decision to leave it there was the right one for me.

Isn’t life like that? Each of us has been given a race, a walk, a path to follow. Maintaining the gift of discernment is crucial to ensuring we don’t carry things that weren’t assigned to us by God. Hebrews 12:1-2 states “Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight…………and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.” Understand that the weights we are admonished to, “lay aside,” are UNNECESSARY weights. They are burdens – not given by God to build our faith – but unnecessary burdens taken up by us that will hinder our walk in faith.

I ask you to consider what you are carrying today. Even with the best of intentions you may be taking on things that deter you from the specific assignment God has orchestrated for you. If you are fortunate, to not get completely side tracked, you will at a minimum be delayed at reaching your intended destination and this may have rippling side effects.

We all have our crosses to bear. Stay connected to God through prayer and the reading of His word to ensure you only carry what is assigned to and necessary for you! Commit today to put down the unnecessary weight that’s weighing you down.

One of my biggest frustrations around my home is feeling like I can never keep certain areas as clean as I would like to. One of those is the tile floor in the kitchen and hearth room areas. This morning as I was walking my daughter to the bus, I noticed how much grass and grit was in the garage ( I assume from the last grass cutting) and I said to myself, “no wonder there’s always grit in the hearth room and kitchen area. If we don’t keep this outside area clean, we are going to keep tracking this dirt inside.” Once she was on the bus and off to school, I got the broom and began to sweep. I felt sure this would help me and I looked forward in the days to come to see some change (at least a little less dirt on the inside).

As I pondered, I realized the opposite is true about us as individuals. We spend a lot of time on the outside, wearing the best clothes, making sure they are perfectly starched and matching from head to toe. We keep our appearance at its best, hair done, nails manicured, eyebrows arched, bodies slim and trim, YET we track all manner of filth inside-scandalous movies and t.v. shows, gossip, hatred, unforgiveness, bitterness, stress, greed, meanness and criticism to name a few.

In Luke 11, Jesus calls out this issue. In verse 39-40, he tells the Pharisees, “You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside you are full of greed and wickedness. You foolish people. Did not the one who made the oustide make the inside also?” I’m convinced He’s telling us this same thing today!

When I really think about it, I’m actually amazed at how well we are able to keep our outsides when our insides are so messed up. I have to label that as “grace”. I wonder what we would see in each other (or even if we could handle what we’d see) if one day God removed His grace and allowed our “dirt” to show.

What concerns me more than the dirt itself, is the lack of conviction and desire to want our insides to match our outsides and better yet, God’s will for us. I’m praying today that we will commit to do the self-exam to ensure that we have a clean house on the inside of these mortal bodies so that what we track out are a blessing to those in our families, in our circles and in the groups that God gives us charge over to manage, teach, and serve!