As I plan to return to Memphis from Atlanta, I can’t help thinking about Martin Luther King. Matter of factly, I’ve thought about many people, the naysayers in the Memphis area who planted and continue to plant lies of deceit concerning my move, the people in Atlanta that have been divinely placed along this leg of my journey either for revelation, rescue, recreation, resuscitation, and even resource (sometimes me and sometimes them in all cases). I think about the people who live in neither city, who are associated in some way or another, who have formed their own opinion and at the first sign of a social media post they jump in to share their unsolicited opinion either directly or indirectly to me (God won’t let you miss anything you NEED to know).  But the important thoughts I continue to weigh in on are of MLK.  I’ve looked at his sermons in Atlanta and his speeches around the world. While living in Atlanta I’ve been mostly intrigued and simultaneously perplexed with his “I’ve Been to the Mountaintop” address at Mason Temple, the world headquarters of the Church of God in Christ given on April 3, 1968.

I keep thinking about all Martin said and did and how motivated people became to demand their rights and freedoms. Many would argue that we’ve come along way.  I would argue that we’ve lost a little ground but that’s a debate for another day.  What I do know is that there are a whole lot of FIBs going on.  There are so many attempting to demand freedoms at the “utter most places” of their lives while their “Jerusalem” remains in bondage.  I call this Freedom in Bondage.  There is the freedom to choose better right in our immediate spaces but we stay bound and then want to take on the whole world at a higher level and expect justice to prevail.  Often times decision makers in the outer places refuse to be fair with us because they know what we’re in bondage to at home or in our closer places is the reason we really have no fight against them.

I’ve heard many an excuse made by others as they try to give reason for why I’ve had so much rejection in Corporate America.  Nearly 15 years ago, I was told that it was my size-that the Corporate World looked for the 36-24-36 figure over my education, energy and strong worth ethic. A few months ago, I was told it was my education and credentials that intimidated decision makers who may have been given opportunity based on connections. I was told they feared me coming in at the lower level and replacing or surpassing them. This morning, I was told that it was my lack of longevity with one corporation and that companies feared making the investment for someone they couldn’t be for certain would stay long.

¹Then he called his twelve disciples together, and gave them power and authority over all devils, and to cure diseases. ² And he sent them to preach the kingdom of God, and to heal the sick. ³ And he said unto them, Take nothing for your journey, neither staves, nor scrip, neither bread, neither money; neither have two coats apiece. ⁴ And whatsoever house ye enter into, there abide, and thence depart. ⁵ And whosoever will not receive you, when ye go out of that city, shake off the very dust from your feet for a testimony against them. ⁶ And they departed, and went through the towns, preaching the gospel, and healing every where. (Luke 9:1-6)

There is one commitment that has me more baffled than any other commitment EVEN our commitment to Christ himself.  What is it that has us so bound that we will not leave when the out to do so according to the word of God has been made time and time again.  We commit to staying bound in the most unhealthiest of marriages where only one person is even trying to maintain the commitment and we won’t even commit to tithing, church attendance, or bringing our children to church so that they can have even a fighting chance when they are older.  I realize that wading through all of the mess to get to the message is a struggle but it’s an even greater struggle to try an wage war against an enemy with carnal weapons only. We have the freedom first to know God’s word so that we can make decisions that line up with him but we stay bound because of appearances or tradition or some other ridiculous reasoning.  We have stress and stroke and our children learn wrong patterns expecting good relationship outcomes themselves.  The cycles of bondage continue and then we blame society, the system and social un-justice.  I’m beyond perplexed on this matter but I’ll keep praying that God helps us all to make decisions that line up with His will for our lives.

As for me, I’ve been “shaking the dust” and keeping it moving.  I’ve been like Muhammad Ali and other boxers shuffling my feet, dodging punches and getting back up when one punch is successful in landing and knocking me down.  Often times, the referee has begun the count and so far I’ve been able to get up before the match is called.  The fight I’m in now feels closer to being over than breast cancer ever did.  Ricky Dillard has a song that says “If I lose everything and still have Jesus, that’s enough to start all over again.” I’ve sang it and recently it’s felt like to some degree I’m living it.  The choices that must be made to offer me a “turnaround” or an “end” are not in my hands.  The “end” would simply be God’s call to say, “you’ve fought long enough, you’ve kept the faith through it all.  You’ve finished the course.  Now rest.”  That’s a win for me although as I said in my book, I’d love the opportunity to continue to raise my daughter and be a positive role model for her.  The “turnaround” could be halted by someone taking issue with my size, my education or my lack of longevity.  If I could re-write Martin’s words to make them be my truth, I’d say this as I head to Memphis:

I don’t know what will happen now. I’ve got more difficult days ahead. It really does matter to me. Because I’ve been in the valley a while and I’d rather it not end this way. I don’t mind because I know that I’ve done what the Lord has asked of me. Like anybody, I would like to live a long life. Longevity has its place. But I’m not concerned about that now. I just want to do God’s will.

I’ve not gone to the mountain top but I know the dreams and visions that God has shown me. I don’t believe He’s brought me this far to leave me. I’ve trusted the process thus far and I’ll continue to do so. I’m at peace as I pack during the day, but the angel of death seems to torment me at night.  Because I’m assured of my salvation, I only worry about my daughter having to grow up without me. As for the decision makers, I’m not fearing any of them. My trust is in Jesus and I firmly believe that His will-will be done. I know that change must come in the hearts of all people-BLACKS, WHITES, JEWS, GENTILES, PROTESTANTS, and CATHOLICS alike or we will continue to see the devastating effects of our refusal to return back to God, not just in the “utter most places” but in our homes and other close spaces.  Ultimately, Jesus will return to judge all things and size, education and even longevity will be irrelevant.  For the one who has made the right commitments, this will be “True Freedom”.