“Renewed Minds.  Transformed Lives.”

It’s interesting to think about what it takes to move forward.  If we are not careful, we will allow a negative outlook to stall us from the direction we need to go.  I hope today to encourage someone that most movement of any kind is forward movement. While moving forward and moving up are pretty straightforward the outcome they produce, there are two other movements that can cause us grief if we don’t open our minds to what they mean beyond man’s natural view:

Moving on – the definition – “to go or cause to leave somewhere, especially because one is causing an obstruction”- lends itself to the notion that the “person” or “persons” being asked to do so are the reason for the  unpleasant situation or circumstance,  So many times women have been encouraged to pick up the pieces and “move on” after some type of offense or violation.  Sadly, this directive has had added implications of “sweeping things under the rug” with the accusations hurled at the victim while the perpetrator is left standing proudly or maybe even prowessly as he searches for his next victim to prey on to repeat the vicious cycle.  The encouragement today is simple- “they” are right if for the wrong reasons.  You must move on.  Moving on is for you, my dear sister.  It’s just your stepping stone toward your healing.  Pride will tempt you to think that you are losing and better yet that the perpetrator wins but none of that is yours to worry about.  Our great God sees and knows all.  He knows every fact of your situation-from beginning to end.  He’s got your back.  Trust the process of moving on so that you aren’t stagnant, oppressed, or depressed any longer.

Just about every version of Philippians 3:14- says “I press ON toward.  Perhaps if you allow your mind to be open to the other side of “on”, you will be okay with  “pressing” or “moving”.  You have the ability to write the remainder of the sentence:  “toward something better for me”, “toward what God has for me”, “toward a better future”, “toward a relationship that glorifies God!”-The options for how you end your sentence are plentiful. Remember that the blessings of God maketh rich and addeth no sorrow (Prov 10:22) and recognize that you are not where God wants you to be and that getting there will require you to “press” or “move” on. (Philippians 3:12).  Trust the process and know that moving on is forward movement!

Moving back- the definition- “to pull back, move away or backward” – particularly the notion of the enemy withdrawing, lends itself to the notion that our enemy wins when we “move back.”  Reality is that most times we live when we recognize that the enemy is gaining on us and perhaps because of limited resources we move back.  Winning the war is better than being victorious in every battle.  After all, every battle is not ours to fight.  The expeditionist Shackleford, while just a short distance from where he would make history turned back with his team.  What he realized was with the resources they had, they could make it to their destination and receive the fame but they would never make it back home alive.  That’s a true leader.  Even in a checkers game, you sometimes must move back in order to “jump your opponent”.

Picture this, “moving back” is not “turning back.”  Moving back says, “I still have my eye on what’s before me but the timing is not right.  Let me keep my focus, my attention, my posture on what’s before me but let me slowly step back and recognize that in the bigger scheme of things, I win (or at least remain alive) by moving back.  Trust the process and know that moving back is forward movement!

God is a great and mighty God!  I really can’t imagine a life without a loving relationship with Him.  His ways and thoughts are not like ours and He has a plan much bigger than our little minds could ever fully comprehend.  Whether straight forward, up, on or back, recognize that all of these movements are forward movements in God’s great plan for you.  “The righteous keep moving forward, and those with clean hands become stronger and stronger.” (Job 17:9) With the Word of God doing the work in your life, wipe your hands clean and “Keep it Moving”.  Discern which way is right for you in this season and do what you gotta do!

People often say, “what’s in a name?”  In scripture, there has been great discussion on individual’s names and their meanings and even more powerful is understanding the significance of people’s names changing.

As a kid, I had one of the most misspelled names in school.  As an adult that hasn’t changed much.  I chuckle when I receive emails that are addressed with the correct spelling of my name and yet the salutation is spelled completely differently.  I will admit that it bothers me when people who communicate with me regularly fail to take the time to spell my name correctly.  Sadly enough, I was married to someone who in the final stages of the marriage spelled my name incorrectly.  What a crushing blow for me.

DYWUANA- 7 letters.  My mom had such good intentions she explains-pregnant with her 3rd child after having two boys whom she purposely had begun their names with the letter “D” and although this 3rd child would be a girl, she insisted the pattern continue.  As an English professor at a Community College in Mississippi at the time, she and her class were in the midst of Romantic Literature. The focus on Don Juan awakened her creative juices as she began to analyze how she might use the phonics of Don Juan to create something special for me.  D- she’d keep.  Juan- didn’t quite work for her so she’d drop the “J”.  She knew she’d need an “A” at the end to make me feminine.  So she’d create the inner parts “yw” just because she could and there you have it-  DYWUANA  birthed from her studies with her added creative twist.

This may explain my fixation on “love stories” and my love for Mexican and Italian food.  But it somehow conflicted with my struggles in relationships. I decided to take a look at Don Juan and what I found was actually quite disturbing.  Don Juan was a womanizer.  A French author says this about Don Juan, “I have seen nobody on the stage who has been a more interesting Character than that compound of Cruelty and Lust”. Per Wikipedia-in Spain, the first three decades of the twentieth century saw more cultural fervor surrounding the Don Juan figure than perhaps any other period.

I’ve learned of many religious implications of this Don Juan figure from which I was named. The Don Juan legend discusses the theological question of the Act of Contrition, through which those who regretted their sins before death, would automatically receive salvation.  In the Italian version of Don Juan women are de-valued and these societal views are a direct source for his behavior. Matter of factly, Don Juan’s focus was on quantity over quality of women and his actions resulted in the dishonor of not only women but the entire family of those who were unable to remain chaste until marriage. Thank God there is a theme of sin and redemption as Don Juan is first viewed as an evil man for his ability to manipulate and seduce women, but later repents of all his wrongdoings.

Wow!!! Learning all of this showed me that there is a lot of power in a name.  While I took on the romantic desires of my mom’s intentions of my name, I seemed to constantly attract the Don Juan’s of my era.  Wow!!!

Recently, I had a conversation with my mother and she said at times, she’s regretted giving me this name because so many seemed to have trouble with its spelling.  As we’ve both grown in our faith walk, we’ve realized that my name is purposeful, unique and exactly what God needed it to be for such a time as this.

Thanks be to God, I have a Savior, who is willing to meet me at the well like the Samaritan Woman and offer me Living Water.  Today I fully embrace my calling to do like she did-to run and tell others to “Come and see a man who told me everything I ever did!” (John 4;29)  I will travel near and far to tell them, “The time is coming when it will no longer matter whether you worship the Father on this mountain or in Jerusalem. The time is coming–indeed it’s here now–when true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and in truth. The Father is looking for those who will worship him that way. For God is Spirit, so those who worship him must worship in spirit and in truth.” John 4:21-24

I’ve known for awhile now that God was calling me.  I ran for fear of judgment, fear of ridicule, fear of rejection.  Interestingly, I realize that I still received all of that along with God’s punishment for my disobedience.  Unlike, Abram or Jacob or Saul, I don’t receive a complete name change.  I embrace the salutation that He spoke to me months ago and I will evangelize the “Don Juans” (male and female) of this world.

I ask for your prayers as I continue to perform the work my loving God has called me to do.

“He will cover you with his feathers.
    He will shelter you with his wings.
    His faithful promises are your armor and protection.”, Psalm 91:4

It can be unsettling to wake in the night and feel the chill of the night air as you realize that somewhere in the night, your covering has shifted, fallen or somehow been removed.  If you are like me, you hurry to locate the sheet or blanket that gave you the security you needed as you reposition yourself in an attempt to return to sleep.   For me this feeling of being uncovered in this season reaches far beyond the bedroom to every step of the path I am taking along this life’s journey.  I’m glad today for God’s word that reminds me God Himself is covering me.”  While this word is comforting, I am transparent enough to share that my heart longs for the Godly covering of the man purposed to be in my life to always support all my endeavors.

Generally speaking, a covering is something put in front of or on top of something to protect or conceal it.  In relationship, I see this covering taking some very practical steps to aid in the welfare of me and our family.  Covering us in prayer, laying hands and anointing the vision God has given, supporting my gifting and callings with joy and excitement and no intimidation.  With his strong faith and true heart for relationship with God first, he loves me unconditionally.  As the mighty warrior God made him to be, he detracts the darts that come to destroy the family unit.  As a gentle touch in the middle of the night, he wipes my tears away and whispers prayers while comforting me with his strong yet soft touch.

As the storms of this life continue to rage, my longing grows ever deep to soon receive what God has intended for me. I try not to look back at my past choices yet I can’t help but wonder if I’m the reason for the delay.  Many days pass and the thought of his coming are all that keep me pressing on toward the mark.  As a lover of music, I have made a list encompassing many songs that will be a part of the melody we will make together forever.  Some are gospel, some are inspirational, some are hot rhythm and blues, some are love ballads and I’m confident this list will continue to grow until he comes.

One of those many songs is T.D. Jakes’, “Usher Me.”, which depicts my forever request of him, when I’m feeling like I feel today-broken, defeated and just simply depleted. His presence alone will be a blessing.  But his wisdom and willingness to know what is ultimately needed will be the key to overcoming any situation.

(I’ll thank him always)

Thank you for the roses to brighten up my day
Thank you for the tenderness to wipe my tears away

(He won’t have to be told He will notice what I need)

But when you see me drifting, sinking and needing lifting
Usher me into the presence of the Lord

(My request always when I am down)

Usher me, there my healing can begin
Usher me, there my broken heart can mend
Usher me, I need to be restored
So usher me into the presence of the Lord

(The trials of life won’t run him away, for he’ll stand firm to assume his role as my “covering”)
Don’t let pain discourage you, you know just what to do

(He’ll do his part and not feel less of man when all he does in his own strength is not enough)

When my heart is overwhemled, I lay my head on you
Though I still need mending, it’s no offense to you.

(Because of His love for God first, He’ll honor my request when I am down)

Just usher me into the presence of,
Usher me into the presence, Oh oh,

Usher me, there my healing can begin
Usher me, there my broken heart can mend
Usher me, I need to be restored
So usher me into the presence of the Lord

In this season, I am delighting myself in my Lord, not settling in any area of my life, doing all I can to live holy, to live healthy and to be the best example I can for my child.  I understand being covered by the blood.  I understand God is my banner and I trust that in His timing, He will unveil His earthly plan for the next season in my life.  When “he” shows up, I’ll know because I will finally have allowed the word of God to do the work in my life and be the gauge by which I measure all things.  I won’t waste time with jobs, houses, statuses, titles and all the things I know first hand come and go.  I will curl up tightly, whisper a prayer of thanksgiving and shout to the top of my lungs, “Cover Me!”

I’ve often wondered in this season at the most difficult time of my life (many have heard me say that for me the devastation of divorce has been more traumatic than cancer ever was), God would send me to a place I never wanted to live with no “known” relatives at that time to pick up the fragments of my life and raise my child.  Didn’t that sound like a setup for disaster?

I recall the day my ex-husband left and the weeks that followed.  I remember the day the burden fell on me to move and the pieces that lined up perfectly (or at least so I thought) to ensure me that this was God’s plan.  I have felt the hurt of accusations that there must be a “man”, that I was pawning my child or that I was running from something.  But in the midst of the pain, I could still here God speaking, not just Jeremiah 29:11 but rather Isaiah 43:19, “For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.”  and 

Jeremiah 29:5-10, “Build homes, and plan to stay. Plant gardens, and eat the food they produce. ⁶ Marry and have children. Then find spouses for them so that you may have many grandchildren. Multiply! Do not dwindle away! ⁷ And work for the peace and prosperity of the city where I sent you into exile. Pray to the Lord for it, for its welfare will determine your welfare.” This is what the Lord of Heaven’s Armies, the God of Israel, says: “Do not let your prophets and fortune-tellers who are with you in the land of Babylon trick you. Do not listen to their dreams, because they are telling you lies in my name. I have not sent them,” says the Lord. This is what the Lord says: “You will be in Babylon for seventy years. But then I will come and do for you all the good things I have promised, and I will bring you home again. For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”

When you grow to “see” God and Him working in situations and not just “look” with your carnal eye, you will get the deeper meaning of what He’s trying to do in your life. One of many things that God is doing in my life is ensuring that the second cut required of a Mother has been made to give me the confidence that He has developed in me everything I need as a “standalone” person.  The first cut was made at my very birth 47 years ago.

Mothers- I ask you today, “Have you made the second cut?”  or do you disguise your “mother’s love” by continuing to pay bills and support grown children?  Do you show your “love” by meddling in your married children’s affairs, giving guidance from the life hurts that shaped your own decision making?  Do you “pray” for them at a distance or do you “prey” on them up close, keeping unhealthy ties to their spouses because “you know your child so well”.  Ask yourself if all you have done in the name of “motherly love” has really helped them or held them down longer than they should be.

I know today’s message is a tough one.  I am sensitive to those who would say, ” I miss her and I’d give anything to have her back.” But with the reflection on celebrating “mother’s”, I thought it befitting for mother’s to do the self-examination and ensure that we are operating in the manner that God intended.  There is pain with the first cut that is inevitable if a child is to live successfully outside of his mother’s womb. Some have been known to face post-partum depression afterwards.  The doctor makes the cut and the mother deals with the potential feelings of disconnectedness afterwards.

The second cut involves reversing roles of mother and “doctor”. The true “loving mother” must make the “painful yet conscious” decision to cut.  If you haven’t seen progress in situations you desire to be better for your children, ask yourself today, “Am I the problem?”  Take action.  Make the second cut-the emotional, too involved, meddling, supporting, condoning, concealing, etc.  Trust God, the “doctor” by giving them over to Him. Trust Him to be what you both need as you move into the healthy places He has provided for each of you. Trust that just like the cut at birth, He has placed within them everything they need to sustain them wherever their feet may land.  A mother’s love is like none other.  A truly healthy “mother’s love” requires the second cut!

I’ve often wondered in this season at the most difficult time of my life (many have heard me say that for me the devastation of divorce has been more traumatic than cancer ever was), God would send me to a place I never wanted to live with no “known” relatives at that time to pick up the fragments of my life and raise my child.  Didn’t that sound like a setup for disaster?

I recall the day my ex-husband left and the weeks that followed.  I remember the day the burden fell on me to move and the pieces that lined up perfectly (or at least so I thought) to ensure me that this was God’s plan.  I have felt the hurt of accusations that there must be a “man”, that I was pawning my child or that I was running from something.  But in the midst of the pain, I could still here God speaking, not just Jeremiah 29:11 but rather Isaiah 43:19, “For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.”  and 

Jeremiah 29:5-10, “Build homes, and plan to stay. Plant gardens, and eat the food they produce. ⁶ Marry and have children. Then find spouses for them so that you may have many grandchildren. Multiply! Do not dwindle away! ⁷ And work for the peace and prosperity of the city where I sent you into exile. Pray to the Lord for it, for its welfare will determine your welfare.” This is what the Lord of Heaven’s Armies, the God of Israel, says: “Do not let your prophets and fortune-tellers who are with you in the land of Babylon trick you. Do not listen to their dreams, because they are telling you lies in my name. I have not sent them,” says the Lord. This is what the Lord says: “You will be in Babylon for seventy years. But then I will come and do for you all the good things I have promised, and I will bring you home again. For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”

When you grow to “see” God and Him working in situations and not just “look” with your carnal eye, you will get the deeper meaning of what He’s trying to do in your life. One of many things that God is doing in my life is ensuring that the second cut required of a Mother has been made to give me the confidence that He has developed in me everything I need as a “standalone” person.  The first cut was made at my very birth 47 years ago.

Mothers- I ask you today, “Have you made the second cut?”  or do you disguise your “mother’s love” by continuing to pay bills and support grown children?  Do you show your “love” by meddling in your married children’s affairs, giving guidance from the life hurts that shaped your own decision making?  Do you “pray” for them at a distance or do you “prey” on them up close, keeping unhealthy ties to their spouses because “you know your child so well”.  Ask yourself if all you have done in the name of “motherly love” has really helped them or held them down longer than they should be.

I know today’s message is a tough one.  I am sensitive to those who would say, ” I miss her and I’d give anything to have her back.” But with the reflection on celebrating “mother’s”, I thought it befitting for mother’s to do the self-examination and ensure that we are operating in the manner that God intended.  There is pain with the first cut that is inevitable if a child is to live successfully outside of his mother’s womb. Some have been known to face post-partum depression afterwards.  The doctor makes the cut and the mother deals with the potential feelings of disconnectedness afterwards.

The second cut involves reversing roles of mother and “doctor”. The true “loving mother” must make the “painful yet conscious” decision to cut.  If you haven’t seen progress in situations you desire to be better for your children, ask yourself today, “Am I the problem?”  Take action.  Make the second cut-the emotional, too involved, meddling, supporting, condoning, concealing, etc.  Trust God, the “doctor” by giving them over to Him. Trust Him to be what you both need as you move into the healthy places He has provided for each of you. Trust that just like the cut at birth, He has placed within them everything they need to sustain them wherever their feet may land.  A mother’s love is like none other.  A truly healthy “mother’s love” requires the second cut!

Sweet and sour!  The picture on the left is a kid’s paradise and the picture on the right is a diabetics must!  For the kid, he must first bite into the sour with quenched lips and if he/she is committed enough to get through the sour parts, he ends with a sweet treat to enjoy for the duration.  For the diabetic, he is given a healthy sweet outer surface to draw him/her in before getting to the bitter gourd-a vegetable with lots of medicinal benefits including blood purification.  Often times, it’s a challenge to make this vegetable lovable but with lots of work and healthy additions, it becomes a unique satisfying taste.

As for candy, diabetics must be careful not to consume too much.  The exact effect of candy on a person’s diabetes, I can’t say with precision, but I do know that it will raise their blood sugar.  As for gourd, diabetics and all others are encouraged to gather the guts to try a recipe that provides you with a unique blend of tastes-a tasteful sweetness outside with a healthy yet bitter inside.  It’s amazing to think of how many people would jump at the chance to devour the candy and refuse to give even the smallest portion of gourd a try.

“What sorrow for those who say that evil is good and good is evil, that dark is light and light is dark, that bitter is sweet and sweet is bitter.  ²¹ What sorrow for those who are wise in their own eyes and think themselves so clever.” Isaiah 5:20-21

Ask yourself today, if faced with a choice of candy or gourd, which of these would you choose at face value?  Knowing what you know now about the good and bad of each, would your choice be any different?

I pray that you recognize that often times there are a variety of bitter sweet combinations from which we must choose.  Ask the Lord for wisdom and knowledge to know within your heart, which combinations are rich and right for you.  Remember that the blessings of God maketh rich and addeth no sorrow to it. (Proverbs 10:22)

There are deceptive tricks and there are disguising treats.  However there are also very healthy Bitter Sweets!

Do you ever look around at your surroundings and wonder why it seems that the suffering will never end?  It’s as if the more you grow to be like Jesus, the more you suffer at the hands of others.  Perhaps not a physical beating such as the one Jesus suffered, but rather from the choices others make concerning you, or the false judgments they make against you, or better yet those who simply don’t like you because you are who you are.

If you internalize this time as anything other than an attempt of the enemy to discourage you and get you to give up, to quit trying to live right and to be okay with fitting in with the world around you, then I’m afraid to tell you, you’ve completely missed God’s great plan in all of it. So many say “they want to be like Him.” But I ask today, do you really?  For the record I recall is this:

“He went to trial and the people were asked what are you accusing him of? They never came up with anything specific-they just called Him a criminal. The one who could’ve stood up for right and made the difference did otherwise and gave him over to His enemies.  This same one refused to take a position on one side of the fence or the other but questioned Jesus as if to cause Him to slip up and say something to justify handing him over. Jesus asked a few questions of His own.  Sadly, this man pointed out that it was Jesus’ very own that sold him out and that because of this, there must be something that Jesus had done wrong.”  (John 18: 28- 35 paraphrased)

Does this sound familiar in your own life?  Do you continue to look around or be overlooked and see things and decisions being made that simply do not make sense with the human eye?  Do you find yourself daily having to smile in the face of those you know are plotting evil directed at you by either by speaking up negatively or not at all?

Don’t get angry with them.  Pray for them!  So many are just like Pilate.  Feeling stuck between a rock and a hard place to do the right thing.  Afraid of being the next one on the chopping block because their faith has not grown to a level that puts doing what’s right above all else. Instead they find themselves operating as a chameleon to fit in with whichever group dominates the present situation.  Again, don’t be angry.  Pray for them for they are worse off than the one who has truly decided that they want nothing to do with a life in Christ.

I’m encouraging you today to muster up the strength to thank those who operate in this manner in your life.  YES-tell them thank you cause Jesus did. I’m so glad that He set the record straight when He made sure it was known, “you’re not hurting me, you’re just helping to ensure that I get where I’m needed the most.  On that cross to die for ALL of the sins of this corrupt world.”  (John 18:36-37 paraphrased)

Never forget that when the actions of others resemble the pain, rejection and unjust accusation that Jesus went through-He was without ONE sin and they still chose Barabbas-the robber (the one who steals)!!!

“Then cried they all again, saying, Not this man, but Barabbas. Now Barabbas was a robber.” John 18:40

They chose him then and they still continue to choose him today!

The origin of the old saying, “Time and tide wait for no man” is uncertain but is known to date back as far as 1225. The general premise here is that no one is so powerful that they can stop the marching on of time.  This is just one more reason for me to be excited to be in love with an all-knowing, all-seeing, mighty powerful God who truly has the power to stop time.

“So the sun stood still and the moon stayed in place until the nation of Israel had defeated its enemies. Is this event not recorded in [The Book of Jashar]? The sun stayed in the middle of the sky, and it did not set as on a normal day.” Joshua 10:13 NLT

I’m convinced that what He’s done before, He’ll do again.  I believe He did it just for me-yesterday.  Yesterday I got a different glimpse of a “peace that surpasses all understanding” from a perspective other than death or loss. In the middle of a mall, in the middle of the day it was as if time stood still for me to embrace the moment. Logic suggests that my only way to be in that place at that time of weekday would be rushing on a “lunch break” to “get an errand done” to “rush back”.  I felt the peace of no time crunch and the freedom to do whatever I wanted in that moment.  Wisdom said it’s not a moment to buy what is not needed, but rather a moment to see the blessing in what others might view as a burden. For that moment, nothing lacking mattered.

Reality is that a lot of closed doors made that moment possible!! And for one moment I was thankful for every rejection, every setback, every loss.  I embraced that moment with joy and I vowed to continue to trust the process and season I’m in. In that moment, I loved me more than anyone or anything! Although I visibly left the mall with only a repaired IPAD and small “happy” for my kid, I left with a lot more inside than the natural eye could see. I left with a renewed hope of the promises God has made to me. I remembered the prophesies that have been given to me. I was reassured that continuing to love me and fully embrace my present is the best preparation I could make for all that lies ahead in my future.

That’s a patient love! That’s a true love! That’s a love that’s healthy for me and will extend itself to those God has predestined to be a part of my future. That’s a love that won’t chase what found it and won’t climb walls it didn’t build. That’s a love that waits for its perfect timing. That’s a love that forgives both self and others often. That’s a patient love.

And while time waits for no one.  Love does. In any recipe, the first ingredient is most often the “primary” or “main” ingredient. It doesn’t surprise me one bit that Paul begins his ingredient list in 1 Corinthians 13 for love with patience!

According to Dr. Gary Chapman, there are 5 primary emotional love languages.  This concept boasts of improving millions of marriages and providing the secrets to a love that lasts.  The general premise is that everybody has one primary emotional language and the successful marriage is the one  in which each mate has identified the “one” language their mate possesses and speaks “it”. According to Chapman, these are the 5 primary languages.  I have highlighted them and I have found scripture to support God’s word concerning them.

Words of Affirmation-“So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.” 1 Thessalonians 5:11
Acts of Service– “For you have been called to live in freedom, my brothers and sisters. But don’t use your freedom to satisfy your sinful nature. Instead, use your freedom to serve one another in love.” Galatians 5:13
Receiving Gifts-“Remember this–a farmer who plants only a few seeds will get a small crop. But the one who plants generously will get a generous crop. You must each decide in your heart how much to give. And don’t give reluctantly or in response to pressure. For God loves a person who gives cheerfully.” 2Corinthians 9:6-7
Quality Time-“1He who separates himself seeks his own desire, He quarrels against all sound wisdom. 2A fool does not delight in understanding, But only in revealing his own mind” Proverbs 18:1-2

Physical Touch-“Now regarding the questions you asked in your letter. Yes, it is good to abstain from sexual relations. ² But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband. ³ The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. ⁴ The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. ⁵ Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”-1 Corinthians 7:1-5

As I continue to allow the Word do the Work in my life and I continue to see devastating divorce statistics and even worse, marital contracts vs covenants kept, I decided to explore this a little more and today’s post maybe a little controversial but I pray it will inspire you to purpose in your heart to be a POLYGLOT! A polyglot is a person who knows and is able to use several languages. Even while preparing the list of five and further acknowledging that the word of God commands them ALL, I thought to myself who wouldn’t want all of this?  And better yet, how awesome it would be to have it in one package the way God intended!

I believe that encouraging individuals to work on only one area is a very lazy approach to making marriage work and is a contributing factor for the continuance of maintaining shining outward appearances for marital bliss while sustaining boredom and restlessness on the inside resulting in countless extra-marital affairs as individuals continue to seek in others the emotional needs they do not get from their spouse. Beyoncé’s song Cater 2 U, in my opinion, depicts what every man and woman’s desire should be in ensuring every need in a marriage is met:

Baby I see you working hard
I want to let you know I’m proud
Let you know that I admire what you do  (AFFIRMATION)
The more if I need to reassure you, my life would
Be purposeless without you (yeah)  (AFFIRMATION)
If I want it (got it)
When I ask you (you provide it)
You inspire me to be better  (AFFIRMATION)
You challenge me for the better
Sit back and let me pour out my love letter

(ACTS of SERVICE)

Let me help you
Take off your shoes
Untie your shoestrings
Take off your cufflinks (yeah)
What you want to eat boo (yeah)
Let me feed you
Let me run your bathwater
Whatever your desire, I’ll supply ya
Sing you a song
Turn my game on
I’ll brush your hair
Help you put your do rag on
Want a foot rub (yeah)
You want a manicure
Baby I’m yours I want to cater to you boy

Baby I’m happy you’re home  (QUALITY TIME)
Let me hold you in my arms  (PHYSICAL TOUCH)
I just want to take the stress away from you
Making sure that I’m doing my part (oh)
Boy is there something you need me to do (oh)
If you want it (I got it)
Say the word I (I will try it)  (PHYSICAL TOUCH)
I know whatever I’m not fulfilling (oh)
No other woman is willing (oh)
I’m going to fulfill you mind, body and spirit

I promise you (promise you)
I’ll keep myself up (oh)
Remain the same chick, you fell in love with(yeah)
I’ll keep it tight, I’ll keep my figure right
I’ll keep my hair fixed, keep rocking the hottest outfits
When you come home late tap me on my shoulder (PHYSICAL TOUCH)
I’ll roll over
Baby I heard you, I’m here to serve you
(I’m lovin’ it, I’m lovin’ it)
If it’s love you need, to give it is my joy
All I want to do is cater to you boy

I want to give you my life, my strength
My will to be here
That’s the least I can do
Let me cater to you
Through the good (good)
The bad (through the bad)
The ups and downs (ups and downs)
I’ll still be here for you  (AFFIRMATION)
Let me cater to you
Cause you’re beautiful(you’re beautiful)
I love the way you are (you are)
Fulfill your every desire (desire)
Your wish is my command (command)
I want to cater to my man
Your heart (your heart)
So pure your love shines through (shines through)
The darkness we’ll get through (so much)
So much of me is you (is you)
I want to cater to my man

Let me cater to you
Cause baby this is your day
Do anything for my man
Baby you blow me away
I got your slippers, your dinner, your dessert and so much more
Anything you want just let me cater to you
Inspire me from the heart
Can’t nothing tear us apart
You’re all I want in a man;
I put my life in your hands
I got your slippers, your dinner
Your dessert and so much more
Anything you want, I want to cater to you

I could not directly highlight the “receipt of gifts” in this song but I am confident that would be the least of concerns in a marriage flowing this way.  I believe each mate could ensure countless gifts to brag about to the outside world and even greater gifts to maintain an undefiled marriage bed.   Just like our relationship with God, let’s get purposeful about our marital relationships.  Quit being lazy, expecting more than we’re willing to give and looking elsewhere instead of demanding it where we are.  So many lives have been hurt by our unwillingness to do the work.  Don’t be a “one and done”, be the Polyglot-the Lord needs it!

.

As my daughter and I continue to settle in to our new world, one thing is clear-we would not be able to bloom where we are now planted without the help and support of others.  The other day while lying in my bed, I thought about a person who had just the day before discussed nutrition with my daughter in a way that I had not thought about and I watched my daughter make a brave decision to discontinue eating her choice of snack obtained from a nearby vending machine.  There are lots of ways I could have responded- “Why is she in my child’s business?”, “Who does she think she is?”, “Everybody needs to mind their own business.”, “I’m her mama!” and so on and so on.  You get the point?  But instead I chose to embrace the moment with pure joy.  Reality is-had I been the one trying to convey the message to my daughter in that area, it would not have had such positive results.  And at the end of the day, isn’t that what we want?  Positive results!

In the moment of reflection, I realized that just like prayer in schools, we’ve allowed another deceptive tactic-insecurity- to enter in and destroy the village.  I hear so many adults say, “I used to say something when I see children acting up-but not now-these parents today will chew you out about their children.”  Where did the care and concern go?  Why is it so easy to give up?  Why is it not worth the risk to say something?  What is the worst thing that can happen?  And if you get the point across or plant the seed, no matter the repercussion from an insecure parent, the seed has been planted and your work has been done.

The bible says, “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6) It does not direct this command to parents alone so I believe every child that’s placed in our path is our responsibility.  Often times when I see friends that my mom taught in school, they still give her credit for something she instilled in them that they utilize even today!

I don’t think the blame for the conditions we witness are parents to bear alone.  Perhaps they were never taught.  And just perhaps, a child crosses your path so you can help that parent and child gain the things that you were blessed to be taught at a young age.  Don’t always assume the worst.  And furthermore, how bad is the worst?  You might be surprised to witness the relief of a parent whose done all he/she knows to do to make a change in the path of their child.

I’m still convinced that it does take a village. I hope today that you will be encouraged and maybe even convicted.  Every chance you get to pour into a child whether it’s knowledge of God, schoolwork or simple life lessons or whether it involves the often uncomfortable task of discipline, be willing to “help train them up” so that when they grow old, they won’t depart from it. What’s more uncomfortable dealing with a parent cause you instilled a nugget in their child or dealing with a wayward adult who was never taught?

The other day while in the store, a man had been observing my conversation with my daughter as I encouraged her to look the salesman in the eye and speak up, ensuring that she said “thank you” and “yes sir”!  He followed us a ways and then he stopped me.  He thanked me for continuing to teach and train her and he seemed very discouraged that he didn’t see that enough in parents.  I maintain the same posture with her friends and acquaintances.  I encourage those who teach her in church and assist me in child care to do the same.  I’m convinced it takes the whole village to train up a child.  I’m determined to do my part.  Will you?